Never Enough
by magenwashere
Summary: He had everything. So did she. But somehow, no matter how hard they tried, no matter how hard they wished, they just couldn't get each other.
1. An IntoductionAfter Putnam Barn

**AN: I really like Chase Collins. Maybe it's bad boy syndrome, maybe it's his complex mind, but whatever. Just trying something new. Some characters from my other/future covenant OC's. but you''l have to wait and find out. **

Imagine you are eighteen years old. You aren't bad looking, fairly handsome, despite when _she _says you're practically beautiful. But you can't let what _she _thinks matter anymore. She is dead to you, just like your parents, the biological ones and the adoptive ones.

You are the sole heir to two inheritances.

One inheritance entails money. Lots and lots of money. More money than even _he _could wrap his mind around. The enormity of it never really hit him until he was standing in front of his 'parents' graves, sympathetic, if cold, mourners as they offered cold words of comfort to the one left behind. He was truly, finally, alone. He'd gotten his wish, the one thing he'd never thought he'd get in his privileged life. Solitude. But it wasn't enough.

The second inheritance, well, he couldn't get rid of it if he wanted to. Well, in a way that didn't include death. And death was not in the plan. It was not an option. This gift, this _power, _made him long for the things he'd always dreamed of having. Fulfillment. Purpose. Satisfaction. But none of those things were guaranteed with this…_gift _from his real father. The only thing he'd ever given him.

Imagine being able to do anything. The world is yours. Anything. Anyone. How can that _still _not be _enough_? Why is that _never enough? _

_Imagine you are Chase Collins. And nothing is going according to plan._


	2. The year before

In all honesty, neither of them were sure how it began. She was a socialite, an Upper East Side Queen. She was all confidence and charm and elegance. She should have never given him a second glance. While they were in the same social circles of wealth and privilege, they couldn't have been more opposite. He was your classic bad boy, unshaven, rumpled clothes and untucked shirt. An easy grin, oozing charm and confidence, but one who easily slipped into the background. She, however, was the center of attention, even when she didn't want to be. Always neat and proper, headband firmly in place, pearls secure, her hair perfect in it's bun. She was every man's fantasy, because she was perfectly, completely untouchable, and every man in the room knew it. They acknowledged that she would never so much as look at them with more than fleeting curiosity.

It should never have happened. The Bad Boy and the Untouchable Ice Queen.

A party brought them together. He caught her eye, not for the first time that night, or in recent nights. That wasn't uncommon, for they had known each other since the age of seven. It was just like all the other times; their eyes would meet, but they'd look away before they saw behind the mask. But that night, Blair held his gaze for a beat longer. Maybe if she had known their future, she would've ignored it, and maybe somehow she knew that this wasn't once, or even twice.

Chase saw a fire in her eyes that he'd never seen before. They same fire he knew she was seeing in his own eyes. Moments passed like hours, until they realized that they'd slowly be moving closer and closer until they were only a few feet away. He inclined his head toward the stairs, up to a room, her room. Blair glanced around; no one was watching. She took his outstretched hand and gripped it firmly in her own.

Even at eighteen, hand-holding was still a comfort.

It wasn't right, the way she made his mind wipe clean of everything wrong with him. It wasn't supposed to go as far as it did either, but there they were, thrusting and moaning, mouths connected, hands grasping. They were as close as two people can physically, they didn't know each other, but it was alright, because sometimes being held by unbiased arms can make a world of difference.

Sometimes it's good to not think, to just feel.


	3. Nine Months before

It was just sex in the beginning. Just a way to have comfort, no questions asked, no strings attached. Just…comfort. Chase found that being in Blair's arms, lying with his face in her neck, was pure bliss. Sometimes, after they'd finished, she'd run her fingers through his hair, rubbing gently until he fell asleep. Other times, he'd lay on his back while Blair's cheek rested over his heart. He didn't like to dwell on how good it felt, not just having _someone, _but having _her. _Not that she didn't have her own faults.

In fact, she could be a bitch when she put her mind to it. She could completely destroy someone with one word, sometimes with one look. She was tough as nails and practically resilient to anything thrown at her, except for one phrase. One phrase that thousands of teenagers hear and feel everyday, "You're not good enough." Of course, it never means as much to the person who really isn't good enough. It only matters to the one who tries so hard, they feel their loosing everything. Those words only hurts the one who is good enough. The one who's worth it, the one who is more than enough. Like Blair, who is indeed selfish, snobby, and at times, a heartless backstabbing bitch. However, this irrelevant to the boy, no, the _man _who loves her. The one who tries not to, because, in the end, he knows he'll fuck it up, just like he has before. Chase Collins, the beast who deserves nothing he has, not even Blair. _"For who could ever learn to love a beast?" _

She doesn't think that, even after he tells her about his powers, and what he did to his parents. She says that not everyone is all bad, just like not everyone is all good. Sure, sometimes one part will take over, but the seed of the other still exists. This was a very insightful revelation, and he told her as much, as they lay in bed. That night hadn't started out with sex, just like the previous four nights hadn't. It wasn't just about sex anymore, and it had only taken a few months to manage it. It crossed his mind, that at this rate, they'd be married before they graduated, but then he banished that thought. He had a mission, and he was sticking to it. That's what he told her, later that same night.

"_I'm not staying."_

"_I know."_

"_How?"_

"_Because people leave me all the time, whether it's for a little while, or a long time. Why should you be any different?" _

"_Maybe I want to be different to you."_

"_If you ever do, I'm right here. I'll be waiting."_

"_I don't love you." _If he could lie to her, surly it would be easy to lie to himself?

"_I know. I don't love you either." _She lied, too.

"_Not even a little bit?" _He'll never admit that his voice was a little unsteady. Neither would she admit to knowing it.

"_Not even at all." _Chase pretended not to see the tears, quiet as they were. Blair pretended not to feel the way he clutched her tightly all through the night, as they waited for tomorrow.


	4. Three months before

Things were good, which meant that soon things would be bad. That's just how Chase's life went. Good things would happen, followed quickly by very, very bad things so the good wouldn't go to his head. He accepted it because life sucked, and then if you're . So whenever something good happened, he didn't really let himself enjoy it because he knew what was coming.

Blair noticed, but she didn't say anything. He would get quiet and broody, the look in his eyes telling her he was thinking hard. Jaw clenched, fingers flexed, brows furrowed. It made her want to press her hand to his forehead, just to soothe him for a moment. This surprised her, for she had never been very motherly, but she supposed this was just a testament to how he'd changed her. She felt it, in her heart, in the way she spoke, the way she walked. There was a softness about her, a sweetness that hadn't been there before.

Motherly.

That's exactly what she'd have to learn to be, in the future months.

He'd watched it happen, knowing all the while when he didn't change with her, she'd leave him behind. Whether she meant to or not, Blair would grow and change for the better, while he would remain mostly the same, alone and angry. She would leave him bare, with only her small handprint over his heart to make him remember could have been. It would be better for both of them if he would just go, and leave her behind, but he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough, wasn't ready to become a monster to her. Not yet.

He was getting antsy, ready for action, making her feel like she was keeping him from his plans, whatever they may be. Lying to him was harder than she thought it would be, so she told the truth. Well…as much of it as she could. A girl's entitled to her secrets.

She wasn't The Ice Queen for nothing.

"_I think you should leave." _

"_What?"_

"_You don't want to be here and I don't want to be your ball and chain."_

"_Blair, it's not like that, it's just…"_

"_Yeah. That's what I thought. You want to leave? I won't stop you. I won't turn into the girl who begs her boyfriend not to go. I…I love you, but you need to leave. Now. _

He left then, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"_Goodbye, beautiful." _

She got a letter from him a month after he'd left, postmarked Ipswich, Massachusetts. He told her about his school, the people he'd met, the ones he'd introduced himself to. There really was no point to the letter, he just rambled on before finally, at the bottom of the page he wrote, _Sometimes I miss you, when I forget everything else. _

She placed a hand on her rounded stomach, thinking the same.

_Sometimes I miss you, when I forget what I'm going to be. _


	5. AC or After Chase

**AN: Thank you to everyone (all five you, ha) who's been waiting! There will be one more chapter, and then an Epilogue which will be up by Wednesday. **

When news broke out that Blair Waldorf was pregnant, it did not, as so many people thought, ruin her reputation. Not much anyway. Everyone wanted to know who the father was, how much money he had (or didn't have) and where he was. Blair made it very clear that it was none of their business, and strangely everyone left her alone…even Gossip Girl, who said she didn't mess with babies, a fact which Blair was eternally grateful for, and according to Nate, she actually sent Gossip Girl a thank you text. However, that may be urban legend. It did come from Nate.

Serena, Lily, Eleanor and Blair were often seen in baby stores, arms linked, holding up various baby items for both genders, and that became the new Gossip Girl's and the Upper East Side's mission; discover if Blair Waldorf's baby is a boy or a girl. And boy, did they go at it. Blair seemed to be the only one who knew, so that ended pretty quick, but it was still a big topic.

Telling her parents was the hardest thing Blair had done her entire pregnancy. Eleanor had, of course, been shocked, and even a little angry, but what could she say really, that Blair wasn't prepared for? In the end, they had settled that Blair would take off her first semester of college, get an apartment, and live her life as best she could with support from her friends and family. That brought her to the next thing on her list; tell Serena, Nate, and Chuck. Ironically, she didn't actually tell any of them first; she told Dan Humphrey.

_He'd found her vomiting in Serena's bathroom. _

"_Blair, are you okay? I mean, I only ask because I couldn't live with someone's death on my conscience, even yours." She tried to stand up on unsteady feet, causing Dan to reach out for her, and tuck her against his side. He didn't completely hate her._

"_Two." _

"_What?"_

"_You'd have two lives on your conscience. Mine and my baby's." _

_Shock wasn't a strong enough word to describe what emotion Dan felt. On top of the unidentifiable emotion was something equally surprising: concern._

"_Wow. I'm mean, not wow, but…wow." _

"_I know."_

"_Wait…You and Chuck just-did he-oh hell no!" Dan stood up so fast he was a blur. "I'm going to kill him! Did he dump you because he found out? That asshole! I'm going to-"_

"_Dan!" He stopped ranting to stare at her. "He's not the baby's father. Chuck and I were broken up long before I met Cha-the baby's father. But" she said grabbing his hand and pulling him down to sit next to her, "Thank you for standing up for me.' He placed his arm around her. _

"_Are you, you know, good?" She looked at him confused. "Like, is the baby okay, in your, you know…stomach." She smiled softly._

"_We're fine." They sat in silence, with her head on his shoulder, hands clasped. _

"_I'm glad."_

She had never really considered Dan part of their group, but the morning after the party, he showed up at her apartment armed with a baby books and bags of supplies, which, he explained, were baby proofing devices.

"_Babies are naturally curious." he read from the book in his hands, as he walked inside. "They will seek out and touch anything in reach. So we need to make sure sharp things are up and put away, and then we need to put these plastic things in the electric sockets-" Blair hugged him fiercely, cutting him off. _

The four of them, Blair, Chuck, Nate and Serena, became the five of them, just as simply as that. (With occasional appearances by Jenny and Vanessa)

She told Nate the same time she told Serena.

"_I need to tell both of you something."_

"_What's up?" Nate asked._

"_I don't know what you are going to think of me after I tell you this but-"_

"_Blair stop. We're your friends." Serena took her left hand, while Nate grabbed her right and held it tightly. _

"_We are the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, remember? We can tell each other anything." _

"_I'm pregnant." _

"_Well, I wasn't expecting that. Wow." Nate laughed a bit. _

"_Really, B?" Serena asked, starting to tear up with Blair. _

"_Yes." _

"_Was it with…?" _

"_Yes, and no, he doesn't know."_

"_So it's not Chuck?" Nate asked quickly._

"_No, it's not Chuck." _

"_Oh, thank god. That would make our group a little awkward." They all laughed._

"_You'll be fine Blair, you've got us."_

"_We're with you all the way."_

Last but not least…Chuck.

"_Chuck?" He was taken aback by the seriousness in her eyes, the fear. _

"_What's wrong Blair?" _

"_I don't know how you're going to react, and it's really scaring me. But I have to tell you." she took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."_

"_What? We haven't- not in months, I-" he looked so worried. _

"_The baby's not yours Chuck, don't worry." she looked hurt._

"_I wasn't trying to be defensive Blair, I was, well, I am very shocked. Are you okay? Do you need some water, food?" She knew then that she'd had no reason to be afraid of his rejection. He was her friend, he loved her. _

"_I'm fine, we're fine." He slowly reached to touch her stomach._

"_That's good…Blair, I'm-"_

"_Nervous? Yeah, me too."_

"_You've told Serena and Nate?"_

"_Yes, I wanted to wait to tell you so I could…prepare myself." he nodded, and then wrapped an arm around her shoulders._

"_Have you told the father?"_

"_I can't. It's impossible." _

"_But he-"_

"_I can't Chuck. He wouldn't know what to do, he's already so…"_

"_So, what?"_

"_Lost." she shook her head. "He can't…it's just…"_

"_Okay. Everything will be okay Blair. I'm here. We're all here." _

Vanessa bought her a baby book half-filled with pictures of Blair and her friends. Jenny and Rufus Humphrey brought over a waffle iron. Her father and Roman bought her a crib and other baby furniture. They were all taking care of her.

She hoped someone was taking care of Chase.


	6. Meet the Witches

**AN: The end, thank you everyone. There may be a one-shot or two in the future, but for now, it's over. Epilogue next, then it's over! **

She got the call in October.

"_Hello?" _

"_Is this Blair__?" _

_She hesitated. "Yes, who is this?"_

"_I'm Caleb Danvers, I live in Ipswich, Massachusetts."_

"_Oh my god."_

"_Yeah. Listen, I have some of Chase's things here I you want to-"_

"_Tell me when and where." _

They'd set up a time to meet, at some diner in Ipswich. He said he would explain when she got there, but she didn't want to go alone. There were only two people who knew about chase, Serena and Dan, but only Dan knew the whole story. He'd moved into her apartment, saying _"You shouldn't be here alone."_ and she hadn't had the heart to throw him out._ She'd told him the truth in a moment of weakness. _

Dan walked into the diner ahead of her, holding her hand. As she looked around, a tall boy stood up and motioned to her.

"Are you Blair?" There were four of them.

"Yes." she said moving closer to Dan, glad he was there.

"I'm Caleb Danvers. This is Pogue Perry, Reid Garwin, and Tyler Simms."

"I'm Blair Waldorf, this is Dan Humphrey." Blair and Dan sat down in the empty chairs.

"He your bodyguard or something?" the blonde one, Reid, said snottily.

"Reid is it? You don't need to be a bitch, I've got it handled." she said in her Queen B voice. "I am pregnant and hormonal, you do not want to mess with me."

"Trust me man." Dan said. "She's scary." That lightened the mood.

"Blair, how much do you and Dan know about Chase?" Caleb asked.

"We know everything. Chase told me most of his plan, and I told Dan after I found out I was pregnant."

"Wait, you're having Chase's kid?" The long haired one , Pogue, spoke up.

"Yes."

"Then you know about the power, and what'll happen." The smallest, Tyler, asked.

"What I do know is that you," she said as she pulled out her cell phone and brought up a picture of Nate, "Look just like my friend, Nate." Tyler studied the picture, before passing it to the others.

"That's just weird." Reid said.

"Yeah." Tyler agreed.

"That aside," Caleb said, "your son will be like us, and you'll need someone to help him understand."

"But my baby's a girl." Dan looked at her surprised.

"Really? We're having a girl?"

"Yes, really." He hugged her and kissed her forehead. "That's great, Blair. Wait til we tell Chuck, he's going to be depressed."

"Chuck?" Caleb asked, confused.

"'We're' having a girl?"

Blair told him the story of her friends and family. The four boys listened intently, and Tyler smiled when she was done.

"So, I guess you've got a good family, good people who'll take care of you. That's good." at Blair's raised brow, Tyler continued. "We were going to see if you needed a place to stay, and if you did, you could have stayed with one of us."

That brought tears to her eyes, and she flung her arms around the boy closest to her, Pogue and held on tight. "Thank you." They spent another hour talking and making arrangements, when Dan said it was time to go. Blair hugged them goodbye, and got in the car.

"Dan, there's one more thing." Caleb looked serious.

"What's up man?"

"They never found his body."

"So…he may still be alive." Dan said tensely. "And he could come after Blair."

"We don't think he will. If anything, he'd come after is again. But we'll let you know." Tyler added.

"Plus, next week we're taking a trip to New York with our girlfriends." Caleb added.

"It wouldn't be too much trouble to drop in, would it?" Reid asked cockily.

"No, come on by. Serena's hosting our baby shower for Blair next week. You could come, if you wanted to." at their uneasy looks, he quickly added. "It's just going to be Blair, me, my sister Jenny, Nate, Serena, Chuck and Vanessa. No parents, or anything. This is just for close friends. You can use my apartment, it's been empty since I moved in with Blair."

"Yeah," Pogue said after a minute. "We'll come."

"Cool." They did that weird boy handshake, and Dan got in the car.

"I like that she's going to have more people to take care of her." And protect her, Dan thought. 


End file.
